Oh, June

June is here and I'm feeling pretty good.  I have been dreading this month for a while now, but it's very hard to explain why.

I guess I'll start with why I am loving this month right now.  For reasons known only to the universe, I am very happy.  And I love watching my girls grow!  Sasha is on the potty train and leaving the station!  After an attempt a few months ago, my mother wisdom the second time around (and a wise preschool teacher) told me to just let her do it on her own.  And she really is.  She has a ways to go yet, but Sasha is on her way to big girl land.  And I am surprisingly OK with that.  She is hilarious and defiant and adorable, as only a two and a half year old can be.  But she still snuggles in bed with me in the mornings quite happily, so I know she is still my baby girl for a bit longer.

Sasha's first polish - matching toes!

"Sasha's Potty Chart" (thanks, Morgan!)

The girl loves to dance any chance she gets

Morgan's new school for next year!

Morgan's last day of preschool is tomorrow and I can already feel my emotions stirring!  She has spent three wonderful years at her Spanish immersion preschool.  And while I won't be missing the commute to North Portland, I will miss her fabulous director and the amazing environment the school provided Morgan with.  I wonder what will happen to her strong Spanish skills, but I am determined to keep them up as much as I can (and as much as she is willing) here at home.  And I am determined to make her last summer before elementary school a really special one.  I can't believe she is almost in kindergarten!

Someone is growing up!

In three weeks from tomorrow, I will be trying to do something I never thought I would:  run a half marathon.  I still can't believe that I just ran 10 miles last Saturday.  I remember when 4 miles was a huge deal!  And through running, I have made a new friend!   I never thought I could actually run and talk at the same time (without passing out), but being able to chat on our nearly 2 hour training runs has made the miles go SO much faster.  I was thinking about my new friend yesterday, and I honestly think this is the first friend I have made outside of preschool, my neighborhood, or a kids' activity.  We get along so well because we have lots in common.  She has two boys the same ages as my girls, she works in a school, and is my age almost exactly.  But above all, I love the fact that we met because of our own interests, not because of something that our kids were doing.  It sounds weird, but when you have young kids, this is a BIG deal!

Headphones & shoes: Sasha is ready for a run

And next June, a year from now, the four of us will hopefully be in London while Sam teaches UP students there.  It will be an adventure for sure, but one that I am so excited to share with our kids.  We are hopefully going to travel after, possibly to France, if we have any money left after being in London for a few weeks!

But here it is June 12th, and in an alternate, bizarre universe, I would be having a baby in June.  But I'm not.  I had a miscarriage last November that rocked my world, and still does sometimes.  Even though it was a pregnancy that was not meant to be, I still remember that June 8 was my due date.  For months, I have been wondering how it would feel when the day finally came, and here it is.  I made it.  I didn't die of a broken heart.  And in fact, my heart feels pretty content and full and light, something I definitely couldn't say several months ago.

So all of that wonderful, good stuff above outshines all the rough stuff of the past few months.  I know the training for my half marathon has helped incredibly to pull me through the grief and heal my wounded spirit.  It reminds me again how thankful I am for my beautiful children, my supportive and loving husband, a strong, healthy body, and a future that still looks amazingly bright.