Little Miss Birthday

Morgan's birthday is nearly upon us, and I'm very excited to celebrate. It is hard to believe that she is one year old already, but what is most amazing about her (and all babies) is how much change happens in just one year's time. Thinking back to that warm, sleepy little bundle we brought home and now looking at this independent, active toddler are like night and day. I am kind of looking forward to having things slow down a bit -well, in terms of her growth. I know she isn't going to slow down one bit!

Morgan is quite her own little person and taking in so much everyday. Lately, she has fun doing "squats," when she raises and lowers herself at the coffee table to play peek-a-boo with us. She likes walking, with our help of course, and always seems to know which direction to head. She even likes to kick the beach ball (or whatever may be in her path) as she walks. She hasn't learn to throw things yet (which is nice!) but definitely loves kicking. Yesterday, I put jeans on her for the first time (as you can see in the photo) and she had to discover that fashion sometimes has a price. Those jeans were somehow a little tight and she had a hard time maneuvering around. She kept grunting and getting her legs stuck under herself. I felt kind of bad and eventually took them off, but she looked so cute. (Yes, I have finally learned to love dressing up Morgan in cute clothes!)
The other day I went and "harvested" some veggies from my garden - well, one lone zucchini and a few tomatoes. Morgan went with me and had fun looking them over, which really meant putting baby teeth marks in them and putting a whole cherry tomato in her mouth. That scared me, and I was worried she would choke, but she was so shocked that she quickly spit it out. One more adorable thing Morgan likes these days is to dance with us. We put music on, hold her in our arms, and dance around. Slow, fast, whatever the music, Morgan always has a big grin on her face and doesn't want to stop.
Morgan isn't the only one who has done lots of growing this year. I have grown a lot too, and appreciate all the little (and big) lessons Morgan and motherhood have taught me. First of all, I have a new respect for the human body and how amazing it is - both Morgan's and mine. I am amazed at how perfect (yet resilient) and ever-changing Morgan's is. I am amazed at how mine seemed to always know what to do, through all the changes in the last 21 months. It made another human being - wow!

Another important lesson is multitasking. I always thought I did that anyway, especially being a teacher, but it has gone to another level being a mom. Sure, I can talk on the phone and change a diaper at the same time, but it's more about the mental multitasking that is constantly going on, trying to be as efficient as possible in the limited time I have. I don't get stressed out or too worked up about trying to get it all done, but I do know I have lost the ability to watch a football game for longer than three minutes. (Now I know how some of my ADD students feel.)Parenthood definitely teaches you lessons about time, giving you a new perspective on it all. Yes, I know the cliche´ about how fast time goes with kids, but it's more than that. It's the preciousness of it all. It's knowing that since the moment your child was conceived, she will never stop growing and changing. None of us will, until we die. So perhaps it's more a lesson about our own mortality, the preciousness of our own life, and how we better get busy living and enjoying this moment.

And most important of all, I "get it" now! I understand all those things mothers say and the crazy things they do for their kids, because now I am one. I can understand why women I don't even know would come talk to me about my big belly or ask questions about my baby. There is a bond that mothers share, and I am so happy to be a member of that club. One quote that always stays with me is: "Making the decision to have a child - it's momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body." (Elizabeth Stone) I actually heard this quote many years ago, but now I truly understand what it means. This little person, my daughter, was and will forever be part of me, although she no longer is growing inside me. When I find myself overcome with emotion just looking at her in my arms or watching her discover something new, I remember it is because my heart has grown so much bigger for having her in my life.

You Can't Always "Undo"

Every once in a while you get a reminder from life at what an idiot you can be. It's a lesson on how, even though you have a lot of things figured out in life and have been successful in many areas, you're not perfect and occasionally screw up big. Well, today is one of those days.

With Sam gone, I have been spending several evenings putting together a video DVD of Morgan's first year of life. It has photos and videos and music, and I was planning on sharing it at her upcoming birthday party. It would be a keepsake for us and her to have and look back on. I was just about finished with it and was pretty pleased with how it turned out. I just had a few more things to add, but was running into some computer troubles. My hard drive was getting a little full with all the photos and videos, so I couldn't add the last few videos I wanted to my project. Well, here's where the idiot part of my brain took over. I deleted files from my computer to try and free up space. I happened to delete videos, which take up a lot of memory, because I thought they were duplicates (some in iPhoto and some in iMovie). Well, I got a little surprise when suddenly parts of Morgan's movie were blank. Hmmm...that is weird. It wasn't until this morning when I sat back down to "fix" it that I realized what had happened and that those videos were gone for good. (Yes, I emptied the trash.)

NOOOOOO!!!! A time machine would be pretty handy right now, I was thinking, so I could go back and undo what I did! Fortunately, the videos that were deleted were just from this summer, and not her whole life. But there were irreplaceable: Morgan's first time playing in the sand, saying "Dad," crawling around, Father's Day with Sam, playing in the pool..... if I think about it more, I might throw up. I am so pissed at myself for such a simple lapse of judgment - actually more like technological ignorance. There is a slim chance I can recover the files with some expensive software, but I just have to live with the consequences and put things back in perspective. So as I have been talking myself down from this anxiety and anguish (where is Sam at a time like this!?), I have realized: Morgan is happy, healthy and that is all that really matters; it was only 3 months of her life that are gone and we still have all the photos; I'm not a horrible mom for accidentally deleting those videos; I need to accept that I screw up sometimes. Besides, Morgan is going to keep on growing and changing and we will have so many more cute and funny moments to capture in the years to come (backed up on an external hard drive, of course!)









Here's Morgan getting tickled by Grandpa Fred.
Top photo: Morgan and I video chat with Sam in China.

Flying Solo

Sam is in Hong Kong right now, and I am watching my daughter bang her head against the sliding glass door, with a smile on her face. Hmm ... I'm trying to picture the next 12 days without Sam around. Fortunately, my parents are coming to visit this weekend to keep me company and provide some adult conversation. I also have to live without a camera until he gets back, something that I probably need a 12-step program for. But I think I will survive going cold turkey. After all, Sam has to live without his cell phone while he is traveling. We are hoping to use the computer to iChat if we can find a convenient time to talk between the 15 hour time difference. But with the camera on our computer we will be able to see each other, and more importantly, Sam and Morgan will be able to talk to each other. He has an amazing itierary planned, going to Hong Kong, Shenzen, and Shanghai. The group will visit businesses, do cultural stuff and tours, and have free time too. Even though he's hardly had time to think about this trip amid the job search excitement, by the time he left he was really excited. I would be too!

On another note, I was informed that the power at my house is going to be off most of the day due to local powerline work (great) so I will wrap this up and figure out what to do with Morgan. Here's a little video from a week or so ago. Morgan figured out what shoes were and tried to put them on!

GO DUCKS!

Well, it's officially Duck football season! We had a great time last weekend tailgating with Erica, Todd, the kids, .... and Morgan! Yes, it's never too soon to start exposing your offspring to six straight hours of drinking beer, eating sausage products, and talking football surrounded by people dressed in way too much yellow and green. But that is what football season is all about! The weather was perfect, and it was fun for me to get to tailgate again. (I seem to remember being a little busy last September...) And as you can see, Noah and Avery love playing with their little cousin. In case you're wondering, Morgan and I didn't go to the game. Instead, we had a girls' night with Erica and Avery at home, watching the Ducks whoop the Huskies from the comfort of our couch. Here's some clips of Morgan experiencing the fun of tailgating. She seemed to have a great time, especially doing "cheers!" and taking some steps. GO DUCKS!

(PS: I apologize to my "Beaver-Believer" relatives on Sam's side of the family for this blatent promotion of the enemy ... but I'm hoping you can overlook it because Morgan is so darn cute!)