Since Morgan started her new school last month, I have been getting some much needed time to myself back. So what have I been doing? Probably (besides napping and taking extra long showers) what I have been doing most is thinking about how I should best use my precious time and failing to accomplish much. I have big ideas and a nice to-do list, but lack the energy to do much. I'm hoping I will eventually get some kind of 'nesting' spurt and kick it into high gear, but I'm not holding my breath. .jpg)
So instead I am trying to take advantage of my two full days off each week and ... be lazy. Of course having too much time on my hands often lets my brain wander too much, so I have started thinking about how much my world will rock about 5 or so weeks from now. I've gone from denial to panic to let's-just-keep-calm-now. The last one seems the hardest but the most important.
This pregnancy is so different from my first. The first time around I was so amazed with the process and watching my body change, but this time I am anything but impressed and feel much more self-conscious. I am more tired than I ever remember being with Morgan, but then again I wasn't a mom of a three-year old. And then there's the undeniable fact that I am three years older and that magic age of 35 where the medical profession seems to think you are past your prime. Maybe they are right!
But since I am trying not to fight all these things and accept what is happening, I have learned things that I hope will serve me well a few months from now. Everyone says 'every pregnancy is different,' and there is a lot of truth in that. Probably the most important thing I am learning is that the reason this pregnancy is different is because this new person is going to be very different from Morgan. I will learn different things about myself and life from parenting this new person. It's hard to imagine a brand new person coming into our lives but it's about to happen.
So for the next few weeks that I have to myself, I am enjoying grocery shopping alone, riding the streetcar to the Pearl district for a great prenatal yoga class, being on my own schedule for a while, and trying to imagine who this new little person is going to be and how I could possibly love him or her as much as Morgan.
8. Family Vacation Time This was the first summer in a long time that Sam and I were literally on vacation....like teachers were meant to do. Of course I'm not working, but Sam was able to be home so much this summer as well as enjoy a couple of vacations together. Now he has started back at work, and Morgan keeps asking where Daddy is. I think she got used to having him around. I know I did!
7. A healthy, happy kid! I love the fact that I have not taken Morgan to see her pediatrician or forced medicine down her throat since April! We have enjoyed a healthy summer and the ability to play and explore and do new things without being sidelined by a sick kid, lack of sleep, or worries about what's wrong with her. Of course, as I write this, Morgan is sick with the first cold of the season, so I am really appreciating those glory days of summer!
6. Stepping Back in Time My last two posts already made this point, but I have to say that taking the trip to Montreal without a child felt like stepping back in time to my pre-kid days. Of course I am pregnant so I wasn't partying it up, but having time just with Sam and being able to spend several (five!) consecutive days any way I chose was such a treat. Traveling and exploring a new city together reminded me of who we were a few years ago. As parents, you really don't get time off...ever...and a few hours here or there just doesn't quite bring you back to yourself. So while I would never change my life or the rewarding experiences of being a mother, it was incredible to have that chunk of time "off" from real life. (A huge thanks to my parents, sister, and in-laws!)5. Hanging with Naomi I was so happy and impressed when I found out my best friend, Naomi, was willing to fly from Texas to Oregon alone with her three kids (ages 6, 4, and 2) for a visit in August! We had lots of fun hanging out with the kids....swimming at my parents, going to the zoo, and on a longer-than-planned downtown excursion. We even got to have one girl's night with an amazing dinner at Andina. While I wished we could have had more time together, considering we have 4 1/2 kids between us, it was very fun getting to hang out together. (And she is a superstar mom!)
4. Weddings! Weddings! Weddings! I tallied the number of invites we received for weddings and receptions this summer: eight! We haven't had this kind of streak since right after college. And most of the weddings this summer were of close friends or family, making them very special. From the impromptu living room wedding of a colleague of Sam's (who's wife had a baby two days after the ceremony), to a countryside wedding in Eugene, to Kim and Sanju's romantic and intimate ceremony, to seeing our match-making skills end in Sue & Joe's marriage, to watching our daughter as a beautiful flower girl.....it has been very very fun. And with us celebrating our 10 year anniversary this summer, it made witnessing these ceremonies even more touching.
3. An International Reunion When we set up our college friend, Joe, with our Prague teaching friend, Sue, three years ago we didn't imagine (okay, maybe just a little) that they would be getting married a few years later! Not only was it fantastic to see two amazing people find each other, but it was also incredible that we got to have a reunion with friends that we taught with in Prague. It had been at least four years since had seen Christine, Anita, Mandy, and Michelle - who are all teaching overseas in new countries. Christine visited first, actually unable to stay for the wedding, but we had a great visit with her. She and Sam were office mates in Prague, and now she lives and works in Jakarta. We toured Portland and went up to Mount St. Helens. For the wedding a week later, we hosted Mandy and her boyfriend, Florian, who now live in Vienna. They were on an American road trip and so much fun to have around. We had an impromptu barbecue with them, Michelle and Anita the night before the wedding. Michelle and I had fun sharing mommy stories - she has two kids since I last saw her. Seeing everyone brought back so many great memories, it also made me a little envious of the life we used to live overseas. Yet all of us were nostalgic for our glory days in Prague, but life goes on and so do we. I'm just thankful for those amazing friendships and memories.
2. Growing Up Fast They say that kids grow a lot over the summer, but I think that refers to their height. Morgan has grown up in so many other ways this summer, and it has been so fun to watch. First of all, we are finally in the home stretch of potty training! She finally seems to be consistent (you may recall we began this in January!) and taken ownership of this very personal skill. Second, she has been swimming like a champ. Give her goggles and water wings and the girl is swimming! She loves the water and has learned so many new skills (caution, however, is not one of them). Third, she loves doing things "all by myself," which is music to my ears when I imagine adding a newborn to the mix. Whether it's climbing high on playground, playing independently in her room, or helping out around the house, she is growing up fast. Her third birthday is coming fast too! 
1. Expecting New Joy I am so lucky to be experiencing a healthy pregnancy and awaiting a new life that will add joy and new experiences to our family. Watching my body do it's thing and grow and change while the new baby grows inside of me is pretty amazing, even the second time around. We had a bit of a scare that something was wrong with the baby early on, so knowing that everything is okay so far makes me count my blessings even more. I definitely grumble about the discomfort of pregnancy, especially since it isn't as new and exciting the second time, but then remember how lucky I am to be able to experience this at all. I am definitely getting excited to meet this little one. It will be a very special Christmas this year!
It seems in a matter of a couple weeks, our little Morgan has gone from being our sweet, easy-to-parent toddler, to a big girl able to throw a serious tantrum in fractions of a second, say "NO!" to everything we ask or offer her, and melt down in a pile of seemingly authentic tears right before our eyes. Who is this child?!? Apparently, our dear daughter has an alter ego: SUPERTODDLER!
Needless to say, it's been a challenging couple of weeks, that has left Sam and I raising our voices, rolling our eyes, and laughing at how crazy our daughter and lives have become. And in the back of my mind, I keep telling myself, "Ohhhhh, THIS is where the term 'terrible twos' comes from." I get it now. I was hoping we had escaped all the nonsense that most other parents have to go through with their kids, but I was wrong.
Morgan was just saving it up, brewing things in her quick little mind, until she finally figured out that she wanted to be the one in charge...not us. It's her way of testing our love, I guess, making sure that we still love her to pieces regardless of the things she says ("NO!" and "I don't like ____" to everything), or the things she does (the opposite of pretty much every daily task). And yes, we still love her to pieces, but there are moments. Unfortunately, this kind of behavior seems to be fairly contagious because I find myself with a short fuse and an inner desire to blow up in a temper tantrum as well. Not the greatest role model, I realize. So, Morgan and I are both practicing taking deep breaths and "breaks" (lots of breaks!) when we find ourselves butting heads. At times, I'm not sure which one of us is more stubborn.
Yet, at the same time, I find her making leaps and bounds into new territory. She has started playing indepen-dently with great enthusiasm lately. From the minute she wakes up, she is inventing some new game or imaginative scene with her toys. She scurries around the house, muttering to herself, as she plays and arranges. It's wonderful! Wonderful for her not just to need to be entertained by one of us, but wonderful to see her amazing imagination at work. She plays with her baby doll more now and gives it the sweetest kisses. And her passion for reading is taking on new levels, as she demands we read her a book whenever she is forced to sit still (like on the potty, at meals, and at bedtime). We go to a weekly story time at the neighborhood library, and I am amazed at her confidence and excitement for new situations and people. She has no problem walking right up to the librarian or chatting up other kids. And, like a true superhero, her physical skills are quite out of this world. She can now jump off of things with two feet, and seems to think that with that cape she can actually fly! She also runs faster than ever - meaning, I have to run to keep up with her or I will never see her again!
Yet one of the most touching things in the last few weeks has been the conversations we are having about her being a ........
Yes, Morgan will be a big sister come December, and she is understanding the idea much sooner than I expected. At first she thought I was playing some pretend game where we were both playing with babies. But now she knows that she is going to be a big sister and that Mommy's tummy "is going to get bigger and bigger and bigger!" She seems (at this point) willing to help out with the new baby and very excited about it. Although in the last couple days, she seems convinced that she also has a baby in her tummy. I'm not sure how to clear that one up, but apparently she is just trying to keep up with me!
So despite the adjustments we are having to make in order to live with our daughter's new alter ego, we know that she loves us more than anything. And that more than anything, she wants us to be proud of her and cheer her on in all her adventures. When I think about all the unconditional love she shows me every day, it makes me realize that I need to cut the girl some slack and let her be the supergirl she needs to be at the moment. This phase isn't going to last forever, and there is still a lot of pride, love and laughter in the midst of what, at times, feels like pure chaos. And somehow, through all of this, I think she is turning me into a superhero as well.
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