Make New Friends But Keep the Old, One is Awkward and the Other is Gold

I'm starting to wonder if it's me, but I seem to be having a hard time making new friends. When you have kids, it's supposed to get easier, right? You find yourself chatting with strangers at the park because both your kids are on the same play equipment - you ask how old their kid is, comment on how cute they are, and even commiserate a bit about whatever stage your kids are in at the moment. But then they walk off and you never see them again. Sometimes that's fine because their child is really annoying or they seem really weird, but other times you wish you had asked their name or given them your phone number or set up another time to meet up at the park. Instead you walk home with your little one.....the best friend you have at the moment.

Motherhood can be a bit lonely at times, particularly if you stay at home for all or part of the time. As my friend Naomi told me, it's not that you need or want to hear every other mother's personal birth story but you just want someone (an adult) to talk to about life - both as a parent and just as a person. So why is it so hard to make friends as an adult?

I don't think this is just an issue for me as a mom right now. I think it's been hard probably since I graduated from college. Throughout school, meeting people and making friends was easy because you had so much in common and not very much else going on in your personal life. But now, everyone has their own lives, each with old friends, habits, and routines. I'd like to think that you can never have "too many" friends, no matter how busy or full your life may seem. That there is always room for someone new to enrich your life in a way only they can. But the bottom line is you either click with someone or you don't. ( I often find it frustrating when Morgan meets a child that she gets along with so well, yet I find the kid's parent odd and I just can't connect.) Sometimes it takes time for you to realize if you click or not, but still you usually know pretty soon.

Sam, being the social guy he is, has encouraged many of my friendships. We were really lucky to have made amazing friends in Prague (where we all depended on each other like a family) and also in Eugene (where a bunch of us all were relatively new to town and looking for friends - and Sam joining an indoor soccer team helped too). Moving to Portland was easy because we had both our families here but also many college friends who had young kids as well. But they all had their own lives and friends after living here for years, and we haven't gotten together as much as we would like. So I really made an effort to make new friends and establish myself here, fighting my natural tendency to stay home and keep to myself. First I started with a play group at a community center down the street. It was for kids ages 1-3 and was a lot of fun for Morgan. Parents were really nice there, but after a while it turned out to be mostly full of nannies, who were young and very sweet, but who I didn't have a lot in common with. Then I tried the Spanish play group for a while, where I met a couple of nice moms, as well as practiced my Spanish, but our schedule changed and we couldn't go anymore.

The most promising source of friendship was our neighbors, who are from Germany and have a daughter Morgan's age. The girls love playing together and the mom also stays home. Perfect, I thought. We have so much in common, and I really wanted to reach out to her since I knew how hard it can be to make friends when you live overseas. But with neighbors, get-togethers are always kind of random, whenever you happen to see them in the back yard. I tried to capitalize on the first few meetings, offering to have them over for play dates and asking about their schedules. I thought we were on to something. But the mom was very reserved, like Czech reserved. Her English was fine as far as I could tell, but she just wasn't a chatty person. I'd ask questions and it would go no where. Was it me or her? Then winter came and we wouldn't see them for weeks at a time. I didn't have their phone number and felt weird about just knocking on the door. This was starting to feel like a bad dating experience....is making friends as an adult the same as dating??? (I much later realized that she had a lot of German friends whose husbands were also working for the same company, so I guess she wasn't as lonely as I thought.)

I haven't given up on meeting a new friend here, but what I have learned from all this is that old friends are gold. We all know that, especially as we get older. The friends that knew you when you were a little kid or a crazy college student or a pre-mom person. You bonded at a time when you both needed each other, not when you were trying to be polite or force something that wasn't really there. They know you best and you can relax when you are with them. If you don't hear from them or forget to call them for a while, you pick up where you left off. Old friends aren't high maintenance. They don't make you question yourself. Best of all, they will be there for you for a long time to come. Thank you to all my good, old friends out there!

Long Island Drive

Yesterday, Sam and I drove down to Eugene to do a little sprucing up on our house. We decided to put it on the market after living there for three happy years. We rented it out this year while we were in Portland, and since our tenant is moving out, we knew we had to give selling it a shot despite the crazy housing market.

We were kind of dreading the trip - knowing a day's worth of yard work was in store for us and not knowing what condition the house and yard would be in. We really didn't have to go down - our realtor and tenant were working together on the sale and showings. But for our own peace of mind (and probably because I have watched way too many HGTV shows about selling houses!) I felt we needed to go down and make it look it's best.

It turned out to be a really fun day. Morgan stayed with Grandma Dinda and Papa Ron and we got on the road early. The house was in better shape than we thought, and it looked great (our tenant has way nicer furniture than we do!) We saw our old neighbors, Norm and Sandra, who we now really like but it took us a while. Their dog Sissy was still on the other side of the fence wagging her tail. The weather was lovely and, although it was a bit hot, it was soooo nice to be gardening again. I don't know if Sam would say the same thing, but I have really missed my yard. I spent a lot of hours weeding, planting, digging, planning, pruning, sweating, and learning a lot about plants in that yard, and it was good to be back one more time. I could have spent days doing stuff, but we only had a few hours so I had to focus on the big things. While I was pruning a hydrangea that didn't get cut back over the winter, I was thinking about who the next owners might be and if they would even notice this. Would it take them a year or so to realize what needed pruning and when, like it did for me? Or would the next owners be amazing gardeners and transform the backyard into the place I had always wished I could make it. I didn't even know if potential buyers that saw the house would even notice the work Sam and I did yesterday, but it felt good to give our house a little TLC one last time. As Sam and I were taking a lunch break at Cafe Yumm, a favorite Eugene place, he looked at me across the table and said, "I need to buy you a house with a yard, don't I?" I nodded. As we plan and save for our next home in Portland, we have debated neighborhoods, school districts, livability, walk-ability, and condos versus houses. And I know I just can't live in a condo - I have to have a yard. The size doesn't matter, but after living at our house on Long Island Drive (and being raised by two parents who are passionate about plants), I know that part of my everyday happiness exists in being able to get my hands dirty and watch things grow, one season at a time.

A Month in Review

I am not sure where April (or March, for that matter) went but I was apparently a bit distracted. Between engagements (yeah, Kimmy & Sanju!), Easter, sick family members, hosting a bachelorette party, and turning 35, the month somehow vanished. Here it is May already, and I am trying to get my brain back into blogging.

I have been lacking inspiration, although I have to say that Morgan is full of funny things to say these days. Now that she is healthy (again...at least for this week), she is full of giggles and songs that she makes up. Even her sense of humor is developing and she cracks her own jokes. I get excited when she gets my attention in an attempt to make an important declaration of some kind. Now, if I could only remember all the adorable things she has been saying! But they are probably ordinary things that come out of her mouth, but it's the way that she says them, how she cocks her head or the look in her eyes that I can't put into words. I am just lucky I get to watch and listen to all the things she does and thinks about these days. That...and a lot of naked running around, which she continues to embrace as regularly as snack and nap time.

A warm afternoon inspires a picnic near the UP campus with Daddy.

Morgan and her friend, Nicole, get silly at the zoo.

Sisters: celebrating Erica's 40th birthday!

Easter: first time dyeing Easter eggs -at the beach house, just like Mommy did when she was little.

Celebrating Kim & Sanjiv's engagement!

Fun at the park with the neighbor girl, Jolina.

Morgan's playhouse is now a jungle gym/bunker that she climbs in and out of. She is playing more independently these days which is so nice!

Toasting Elizabeth at her bachelorette party...can't wait for the wedding in June!

Getting into the swing of things - Morgan loves playing baseball!

A stop at Couch Park during our new tradition of Friday happy hour walks in NW. We may not be able to hit the bars like we used to, but just walking around the 'hood makes us happy.

Hugs with Aunt Nat! Morgan had fun celebrating cousin Noah's 10th birthday.

Take Me Out to the Ball Game! - Part 2

Here is Morgan singing the whole song - I didn't realize she knew (most of) the words. The only way I got her to perform for the camera was by saying that Noah, her cousin, was going to watch it! Later, while playing whiffle ball in the basement, she said, "I play baseball just like Noah!" (Well, not quite - Noah is on one of the best little league baseball teams in the region!)

Take Me Out to the Ball Game!

A few weeks ago, before pneumonia and life got in the way, we spent part of Sam's spring break in Phoenix, Arizona with his parents and sister. It was something we had been looking forward to all winter, not only for the sunshine but to relive some memories. When Sam was coaching high school baseball (a few career moves ago), we went down to Phoenix for tournaments and "Spring Training." I never cared for baseball before I met my husband, but he has taught me to love the game, even though there is still a lot I have to learn. And I am trying to pass some of what I do know along to my daughter.

Unfortunately, we didn't get too lucky with the weather, as Sam's spring break was in early March and this has just been a crazy winter for weather all around the country. But we did enjoy lots of fun family time with the Holloways at the lovely Biltmore Hotel in Scottsdale. In between downpours, we somehow were able to take a quick dip in the pool (Mo is fearless and wanted to swim by herself), visit the spa (yes!), or go to the hotel playground, but Morgan kept us pretty busy with her indoor activities: sculpting with play-do, going potty and talking on the phone simultaneously, and leading us in family sing-alongs. It's amazing what someone so little can persuade five adults to do when trapped indoors!Fortunately, we were able to catch a baseball game between the Dodgers and Giants and sat in amazing seats. Morgan watched intently for about half an inning, but was a pretty good kid and we were able to stay til the end. Aunt Kimmy's iPhone games and a group of really obnoxious hecklers seated near us kept her entertained. (I'm sure she picked up a few swear words, but that's all part of the experience, right?) Morgan got to see some good bunts, a game-winning off-the-wall triple, and participate in her first 7th inning stretch (I'd been working on "Take Me Out to the Ball Game" for weeks!) We also made sure she had her fair share of hot dogs, Cracker Jacks, and ice cream. She got to have her first ice cream cone and attacked every last bit with focused determination. God Bless America!So even though it wasn't quite as sunny and warm as we'd hoped, and I didn't get to see my father-in-law go down the big water slide as promised....it was a very fun family trip. We are very appreciative of Ron and Dinda for making this trip happen, and for Kim who has such great taste in hotels! Thank you!!!

Just an Average Tuesday....

Some things I did today.....

* Had an extra long snuggle/sleep in our bed with Morgan this morning, who was still sacked out even after Sam and I had gotten up and showered.
* Sang and danced along to "Wild Wild West Elmo" video - alone, mind you, Morgan didn't join in.
* Texted my sister and wished I could take away the sickness that she has the day before her birthday.
* Started a load of laundry and folded one while Morgan played with a balloon in the basement.
* Cajoled my daughter into getting multiple articles of clothing on and giving up on having her try to go potty - it's a Pull-Up day.
* Went to the pediatrician for third time in past two weeks.
* Wore a large metal apron while I helped my daughter get her first X-ray (chest) - she held remarkably still and earned a nice Dora sticker.
* Sort of processed the fact my daughter has pneumonia, which explains her awful cough and generally crabby attitude of late.
* Had the first Taco Bell meal with my daughter - she liked the "restaurant."
* Did more laundry and then scrubbed the toilet and bathtub.
* Took some Advil with an Emergen-C chaser.
* Accepted my sister-in-law's offer to watch Morgan while I go grocery shopping later today - thank you!
* Rescheduled my daughter's ear tube surgery for April instead of next week.
* Checked email and Facebook, procrastinating before my next overdue cleaning project.
* Googled "how do you get out motor oil from pink Gymboree pants."
* Checked to make sure Morgan was still breathing while she slept because she hadn't coughed in a long time.
* Made pizza together as a family, which Morgan loved making but refused to eat.
* Wore a horse backpack around the house while pushing a doll in a stroller.
* Feeling a bit sad about my little girl being sick and all the stuff that is suddenly on my plate, then realizing that if my day ends anywhere near as good as it began, I had a pretty great day.

A Block of Inspiration

When I tell people that Morgan goes to preschool two mornings a week, I am often asked, "so what do you do during that time?" Uhhh....I wish I had a really inspiring answer like saving the world, but I usually I say things like: shower, laundry, work out, shopping, etc. It is a complete luxury to have time to myself when I am a stay-at-home mom, but frankly, I think that is exactly reason to have time alone. I no longer have an "escape" at work (if you can call wrangling and educating two dozen 10-year olds an escape), so this is the time to give back a little to myself, even if it is just something simple like shaving my legs.
But this morning while Morgan was at school, I decided (after showering and throwing in some laundry, of course) to do something a bit more inspirational and visit the Portland Chinese Gardens. The one and only time I visited was with my friend, Naomi, when she was pregnant with her first child....that was over 6 years and three kids ago! The gardens are located in Old Town/Chinatown, and I often drive by thinking....I want to go back and visit one of these days. Today was the day, and while it turned out to be a rainy one after a string of sunny days, it made the gardens even more peaceful and beautiful.Red lanterns were hung in celebration of Chinese New year. The raindrops falling on the water seemed like they were planned to synchronize with the entire design. Plants were just starting to bloom - the daphne fragrant, the magnolia delicate white, the plums pink, and the weeping willow ... well, weepy. It is such a beautiful space and unique from every corner in which you stand. Even though it only fills one city block, there are so many nooks and crannies and different perspectives that I never got tired of the views. I wound around little stone paths, across bridges, and through stone arches into heavenly named places like Flowers Bathing in Spring Rain and Tower of Cosmic Reflections and Knowing the Fish Pavillion. It made me think about how we all might behave differently if people, places, and things here were named after an mood or inspiration rather than just an object.
Not only is it a beautiful place to visit, it allowed me a beautiful mental escape as well. Visiting alone forced me to slow down, pause, and focus on the present moment. I sat and observed with the luxury of knowing I did not need to be anywhere or accomplish anything in particular, at least for an hour or so. After taking lots of pictures and playing around with the different settings on my camera (because I could do that all I wanted without annoying my husband or neglecting my child), I went into the tea house to warm up and slow down some more. I started thinking about how much I miss traveling to foreign places, and how much of the world I have yet to see and about cultures and religions that I would love to learn more about. I thought about how I am almost 35 and already wonder how my 30s seem to be slipping my me. I thought about how lucky I am to have had the rich life I have, even if it all ended tomorrow. I thought about the life that Morgan has in front of her and all the wonderful things the world has to teach her. And I sat by the window looking out on the gardens, with my pot of Golden Monkey tea and a bowl of noodles in front of me. I seldom savor a meal, even one as simple as that, and it was good for me to sit and stare and sip and slurp...alone...anonymous. A luxury we all deserve, I think.

"Most cherished in this mundane world is a place without traffic; truly in the midst of a city there can be mountain and forest."

-Wen Zhengming (1470-1559)