A Glamorous Life

Thinking back over the first year of Sasha's life, there were so many moments when I secretly wished I could have some time to myself.  I dreamed about simply being alone, without anyone needing me for what felt like every minute of the day.  And when I wasn't in demand, I was so sleep-deprived that all I could think about was ONE sweet, blissful night of sleep!  I fantasized about a hotel room where I could lock myself in and just sleep with no interruptions.  I just wanted a "do not disturb" sign for my life.  

Well, apparently I wasn't so secret about those fantasies, because Sam heard me loud and clear.  For Christmas, he surprised me with a "free pass" to 24 hours free of parenting duties and a night alone at The Nines Hotel!  I was very shocked to get such an extravagant gift (this is the nicest hotel in Portland), and of course immediately felt guilty that I didn't deserve it, especially to go away without him.  But Sam was insistent that it was only for me.  I told him it felt like I would be sort of like cheating on him with myself.  ;)  But then when I thought about all the times I put our family first so many times before myself, I realized that I was worth it and I did deserve something this indulgent.  It had been a challenging year.

But before the hotel was even booked, one of the best parts of the gift was simply imagining it before it actually happened.  For a month or so, I pictured that quiet room, clean white sheets, and room service.  It helped me get through many long days.  I was trying to savor the anticipation of it as much as possible.  But I not only wanted to make up for all the lost sleep of the past year (although that would have been impossible), I wanted to make up for other things that I had missed as well... like shopping for something other than groceries...and a night out with girlfriends.

It has been a couple of busy weeks since I got to take advantage of my night away, and it all ended up working out perfectly.  I was able to get my room right when Sam and the girls dropped me off ("noon to noon" was our arrangement).  And the room was amazing.  I was so giddy with excitement at this stylish room to myself - especially since someone else had cleaned it up for me! - that I wasn't sure what to do with myself: take a nap? stare out the window from the 12th floor? take as long a shower as I wanted? jump on the bed?  Sooooo many choices!

HEAVEN!!!

And I was right in downtown Portland.... even more choices.  I ended up grabbing lunch by myself and brought a book along I'd been wanting to read.  Then I got to do some leisurely shopping that I never seem to have time or patience to do, and then it was time to go back and enjoy my room.  The floor I was on had complementary drinks and snacks, so I had to make sure I took advantage of that.  I had my own happy hour, consisting of a long shower, watching some HGTV, taking my time to get ready for the evening, and champagne!

Downtown reflection in a hallway mirror

Even though I don't get the opportunity as often as I would like to, I planned a girls night that evening.  Erica, Kim, and my friends, Amy, Lisa and Sarah joined in. We enjoyed a few drinks in my room and then had a yummy dinner at a French restaurant nearby.  Best of all were the laughs, stories, and fun I got to have with these wonderful women whom I am lucky to have in my life.  I wished my other close girlfriends could have joined in, but they are in different cities, states or countries right now!

The following morning I tried to sleep in, but with mommy brain and years of early rising that wasn't quite possible.  But not having to leap out of bed to cater to someone else was just as nice.  :)  Instead, I had breakfast in bed with... George Clooney!  Well, that would be room service and the movie "The Descendents," which I had been wanting to see for a long time. 

Simply having 24 hours away doesn't make all the sleepless nights, stress, aching back, and frustrating moments simply vanish, but it does remind me of some important things.  First, just having dedicated time to myself is really sacred.  It could be going away for a night or simply fitting in a run or a haircut, but it's "me time" and I should not feel guilty about it.  Secondly, it's good to miss your life - I was so excited to see the girls and Sam when they picked me up the next day and hear them say "Mommy" and "Mama."  And finally, I have an incredible, incredible husband whom I love more every day.  He makes me a better mother and a better person - still not quite sure how I got so lucky.  :)  But next time I go away, I am taking him with me!

Cheers to me!

In Search of Snow..and Sun!

The other day, I had the idea to take the family up to Mount Hood to play in the snow and maybe go sledding.  I mentioned the idea to Morgan, who turned on the dramatic tears and exclaimed, "But I don't know how to build a snowman!!"  Most of that was for effect, but I tried to reassure her that it was completely ok, since she really hasn't had much snow experience in all her four years.

So, on Saturday the sun was shining, east wind was blowing, and we were going up to Mount Hood for some family fun!  Of course getting out the door proved to be the most difficult part of the trip. I grew up downhill skiing, but it had been a long time since I had needed any snow gear, and there wasn't much to be found.  I brought an entire bag of backup clothes and extra snacks...just in case.  I had never done any winter sports with the kids so I wasn't sure what to expect.  Fortunately, we had plenty of warm winter clothes for the girls, so all was well.

As we finally pulled out of the driveway after some minor shouting (our oldest is on a no-listening streak these days) and audible sighs, Sam and I laughed.  We were actually leaving around the time we had hoped and reminded ourselves to lower the expectations for the day's events.  I have probably mentioned it before, but that has proved to be one of the best lessons I have learned as a parent: low expectations.  Not for my kids or their behavior, of course.  But for events and outings, vacations and new adventures, it's best to have the bar fairly low to begin with.  Then there is no where to go but up!

Look at that smile!

And up we went into the glorious sunshine,
driving into the Cascades with views of snowy white Mt.
Hood and Mt. St Helens.  Oregon is such a beautiful place!  We went to Government Camp, to the Summit ski area, which is basically one beginner hill for skiing and snowboarding, and several tubing hills.  It was perfect, pretty inexpensive, and wasn't even that crowded.  Once we got the kids layered up like marshmallows, Sasha went into the backpack and Morgan was ready to go inner-tubing with Daddy.  We weren't sure how this would go, but Sam took it slow and Morgan was having a ball!  Her smile that day was perfect and I will always try and remember it as she came to the bottom of the hill. 

Morgan is lucky to have such a great dad!

Wheee!

After a few runs on the sledding hill, Morgan and Daddy worked on building a snowman.  The snow was pretty crusty, since it had been a while since it snowed, so they added on to someone else's little snowman.  Then it was time for some hot chocolate...Morgan was in heaven!  And so were her parents.  We headed to a brew pup for lunch with a view of Mt. Hood and an even louder family with small kids at the table next to us.  (It's always nice when you aren't the loudest ones in a restaurant!)

Happy Girl...Beautiful Day!

 Then we drove back home with two sleeping little girls in the back seat.  We had managed a fun family excursion that got us out of the house to enjoy some rare winter sunshine.  Can't wait to do this again....but I told Morgan that next year I get to go sledding with her!

January Joys

New Year's Day:  Sunshine and smiles at Pacific City

A new year is here again!  2012 is off to a very nice start.  It began at the Oregon Coast for a relaxing weekend with our good friends, the Carratos.  We hadn't been down since August so it was so wonderful to go back.  We were treated to a sunny New Year's Day and went to Pelican Brewery in Pacific City, a favorite place of ours.  It was so great to see the sun shining!

So far Sasha's second year of life is off to a great start as well.  I had completely forgotten how much fun 13 months is and what an explosion it can be.  Sasha has changed so much, even since Christmas.  In just the last week she has learned to spot birds and squirrels in our back yard, dance and shake her hips to music, and flush the toilet (especially since she knows this is a no-no).  She loves walking around while holding our hands and is catching on that this walking stuff is fun to do.  She even says "go go go" while she walks.  I love her little "hi-eee" greeting to us, and every time she spots a dog, she says, "boof boof."  She is not my little baby anymore!

Sasha loves exploring the baby room at the Children's Museum!

I am so proud I climbed into this chair while Mom wasn't looking!

Morgan is also quite joyful these days, particularly every Wednesday when she gets to go to ballet class.  She has been wanting to take it for a while now, and it finally worked out.  She loves practicing and worships the teacher, from whom she has taken other classes.  There are a couple boys in her class too, which makes my argument that boys can do ballet too a little more convincing.  And getting dressed up for class is half the fun (although this week she wore a sporty Ducks outfit instead of a tutu). Now that she has had a few classes, though, I think she realizes that it's a bit slower than she thought.  Therefore, her favorite part is the fast dance when they can run around waving scarfs!

Happy Dancing Girl!

Now that the incentive of Christmas presents is over, we have brushed off Morgan's behavior star chart and are using it again.  It does the job, although we often forget to put her stars on it each night.  For a good week of behavior, Morgan earned a trip on a carrousel at Jantzen Beach!  The mall is pretty run down and under construction, but the carrousel has been there for a while and is quite beautiful.  I had fun taking her on an old-fashioned form of entertainment and watching the pure joy in her eyes. 


Around home, I am still quite amazed I accomplished a New Year's recolution:  a home improvement project!  I started planning to paint our kitchen in September, I think, but I managed to finally get it done!  It takes a village for these things, so while Morgan was at school and Sam was home on vacation to watch Sasha, I devoted a day to this single task.  How often do I do that as a full-time mom?  Probably never.  I am usually multitasking and getting interrupted by something or someone every couple of minutes, so being able to do one repetitive task over and over was actually pretty fun.  And instead of the kitchen being a pale gray-blue, it is now a warm yellow.  Definitely more cheerful!

BEFORE

AFTER!

There was a big storm last week with the potential for lots of snow, but after three days, all we got was a little bit of wet snow.  As always, I was really looking forward to taking Morgan out to play in it, but the biggest snowfall was in the middle of the night, and in the morning we woke to rain.  Bummer!  There is still time for winter to come calling, but yesterday we had a dry, 50+ degree day and it made me start looking forward to spring!

Maybe our only snow of the year....?

A Family Christmas

Christmas has always been about family, but every year family means more and more to me.  Not just our little family and the girls, but also the preciousness of both of our family being together.  The Panzer family nicknamed itself the Griswolds loooong ago, so we don't take things too seriously, but I can't help being sentimental about how special both of our families are.

But before I get to Christmas...on December 8, my parents celebrated their 49th wedding anniversary!!!  It is amazing that they are still going so strong, and is definitely an inspiration for us.  We celebrated with a family dinner at the Italian restaurant that they used to go to when they were first dating.  Apparently, there weren't many restaurants open back in the early 1960's, and the fact it is still open today is pretty remarkable.  We had their 40th wedding anniversary party there, but they loved going back again.  Of course we had to take a photo of them in the bar (although this wasn't the exact booth) where they used to sit and eat pizza.  It's always strange to imagine the life your parents had before you were around, or even when you were a young kid.  I try to imagine my parents when they were our age and raising us.  Was it easier to be a parent back then with less to worry about?  Did we drive them as crazy as my kids do?   Or was is just as hard as it is now?  Regardless, I hope Sam and I have as many happy, productive, and rich years ahead as as my parents have had so far.

ON TO CHRISTMAS....  

This year was a little different for me since I didn't have a ten-day old baby, but somehow I felt more stressed out and the time flew by!  The girls and I all got hit with back-to-back viruses.  First with fevers that wiped the girls out and then a cold that left me with a sinus infection and Morgan with plugged ears.  I think we went to the doctor 4 times in two weeks!  I am thankful for great medical care, but when I was trying to plan a birthday party, volunteer at Morgan's preschool's winter party, take care of sick kids, and get ready for Christmas, it felt like waaaay to much.  Still, all the preparations for Christmas are always half the fun, so we still carried on with our traditions:

* Getting the Christmas tree is always a highlight, and we continued our tradition of going with my sister, Erica.  Morgan and her cousins even took turns helping saw the tree down.   We got a shorter tree to put up on the coffee table so Sasha wouldn't be tempted to chew or climb it, and I loved decorating it with Morgan.  However, she had many more opinions this year about how it should be decorated!

* Sam channeled his inner Clark Griswold when he got to put Christmas lights up on our house for the first time.  Our neighbors were definitely putting on the pressure, since many of them had their lights up very early.  Fortunately, he had plenty of experience helping his dad with "exterior illumination" over the years, and hearing the clanking of the extension ladder (and very little swearing) outside made me pretty happy. 

*We visited Santa, of course, although instead of going to Macy's like we had done in the past, we inadvertently embarked on "Operation Bearded Santa."  It was in the news that Macy's no longer had "naturally-bearded" Santas at their store, and were now contracting with some East coast unnatural Santas.  Can you believe it?!  So after some research with some Eugene friends that were joining us, we found one with a real beard at Pioneer Place.  Morgan was beyond excited and gave her perfect smile (no eyes closed or tongue sticking out).  Sasha did great and wasn't even scared, although being the fabulous parents we are, later realized it was probably because she had a high fever and was too dazed to react!

* We enjoyed watching Morgan sing at her preschool's Winter Celebration.  Anytime you get to watch 3 and 4 year olds try and do something together at the same time it is pretty charming.  Last year Morgan missed the event because I was in the hospital with Sasha, and then she missed a rehearsal this year because she was home sick.  She was pretty concerned she would have stage fright, but true to her confident self, she performed like she had practiced a million times. 

Morgan is the shortie in the white dress.  :)

* Morgan always gets up earlier than all of us and usually keeps herself busy playing in her room until it's ok for her to come wake us up.  One morning she produced this sweet Christmas card all on her own to send to Avery and Noah.  So at 6am on December 24, Morgan comes hurrying into our bedroom asking if Santa was here yet.  Getting her to sleep that night should have been easy, since we had been at a party and it was a couple hours after her bedtime.  But when I went in to check on her about 40 quiet minutes later, she was laying there wiggling out of the covers with wide eyes: "I'm too excited to sleep!  I heard some noises outside.  Was that Santa?!" Then she peppered me with questions about how reindeer fly and where Santa lands on tall buildings, etc. etc.   "No, Morgan, that was Mommy and Daddy in the kitchen and you can't ask me any more questions tonight.  Now go to sleep!"

* Baking cookies is always a fun tradition, but this year it was just days before Christmas and we hadn't done any baking.  I even had the store-bought dough ready in the refrigerator, but now with two kids it was very hard to fit it in.  So I got Sasha down for a nap and went into crazy cookie baking lady mode.  Morgan was having a ball, but I was stressed out, knowing I had to get it done before Sasha woke but also knowing I'd have to clean the kitchen and get dinner started soon.  Hurry!!!  Bake!!! Make memories!!!  When I caught myself scolding Morgan for not rolling the dough right and making a mess, I had to stop and take a breath.  This is supposed to be fun, not something to yell at Morgan about or a chore that I have to check off my Christmas to-do list.  So I tried to pause and enjoy the mess and not worry about everything else.  Sometimes that is easy, but sometimes it's hard.  After all, we are in prime Christmas mode with her at this age, and I want Morgan to enjoy these traditions every year!

Smile!  Look like you're having fun!  (We were)

* We had very nice family celebrations both on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  On Christmas Eve, Great-Grandma Dorinda ("Nana") was at the Holloways, so we literally had people there from ages 1 to 91!  In addition to my family coming over, many of Sam's colleagues and friends from UP came too.  It was a fun party!  For our Christmas dinner at the Panzers, we had a fabulous German dinner with the most potato pancakes I have ever seen!  I think I must have eaten at least five - they were so yummy!  The dinner was followed by our traditional "grab bag" present exchange where Morgan got to witness her parents stealing gifts from her relatives.  Maybe not the best message we are sending....

Christmas Eve with Nana

Enjoying post dinner conversation on Christmas Day

The annual cousins Christmas photo!

*  Morgan was a real trooper through all the Christmas parties and events.  Despite being tired and excited for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, she was such a good girl and so fun to be around.  Yes...I suppose she kept thinking about Santa coming, but her happiness and joy were quite contagious.  Though when we were getting her dressed up to go to Christmas Day dinner at my parents, she looked and me and said, "But I don't want to look pretty!"  She had clearly had enough!

I love this failed attempt at a Xmas card photo

* My favorite part was waking up Christmas morning as a family and watching the girls with their presents.  Sasha was actually awake first and we all went down to get Morgan up.  We assumed she would have already been out to peek under the tree, since her bedroom is right next to the living room.  But she stayed in her room.  Santa brought her a car seat/high chair for her baby Dora doll, Sasha got Duplo Legos, and both girls got a large play slide.  The slide was a big hit and as soon as Morgan saw it said, "How did Santa get that down the chimney??"   I think a new rule for next Christmas is not to ask too many questions!

 And to our families and friends, I doubt I will get out the thank you cards for both Sasha's birthday and Christmas, but I wanted to thank you all so much for making this Christmas such a special one with your love, generosity, and wonderful company.  Our girls (and us) are luckier than they know!

Sasha is ONE!

Whew!  December was a crazy month, with lots going on, including me and the girls being sick for a couple of weeks.  So, I never quite got around to posting anything, but with so much important stuff happening, I don't want to just forget it all.  I will make an attempt (kids willing) to still write about it, just a little later.  Better late than never!

A year ago, on December 15, 2010, I truly had no idea what I was getting myself into when Sasha Panzer Holloway entered my life.  I was a fairly confident mother, or so I thought, after raising Morgan for the past three years.  But having Sasha join our family taught me just as many lessons as when I had Morgan and everything was new.  Just to see how far Sasha and I have come, I went back and read my posts from the past year, and they reminded me of how all the ups and downs of the year have brought me to a very happy place today. 

A big part of all this happiness is that just a few days before her first birthday, Sasha decided that sleeping through the night was something she'd like to try!  I think she was finally ready (God knows I was!).  And she has been sleeping 12-13 hours every night for the past month.  I feel like a new woman, and realize how amazing sleeping through the night feels for me.  I know there are parents that have it a lot worse, but I never thought I would go a year of my life getting up at least once every single night (and that doesn't even include when I was pregnant.  :)   Sasha has taught me that I can handle much more than I think I can, both in terms of sleep deprivation and managing two kids at the same time.   But it's safe to say that Sam and I love this sweet girl even more now that we are all sleeping better!

Sasha's birthday cupcake - she didn't see what the big deal was.

We had a nice birthday party for Sasha here at our house.  We had our families over for brunch and Sasha did great with all the excitement.  She loved ripping paper more than the actual presents, but fortunately, her big sister was standing by to help.  I could see the wheels turning in Morgan's head as she not only opened the presents but started playing with them: "Sister's birthday = fun for me!"  When it was time for us to sing "Happy Birthday" and blow out the candle, Sasha didn't seem all that excited.  She had some handfuls of frosting, but seemed to like the cake better.  And she didn't even make a mess, which was good since I forgot to put a bib on her.  Sasha is teaching us that she is a pretty mellow kid, and can go with the flow nicely.  With all the craziness of the holidays, I am learning that Sasha will some day probably dislike having her birthday so close to Christmas.  But for now, it was just another fun time with her family.

The girls help her with her birthday presents

Sasha's new ride from Papa Ron - a Bel Aire pedal car!

But to sum up this little pumpkin, Sasha is such a delight and SOOOO much fun right now!  I have always loved this age, especially when I was working at a day care in college.  She is doing all the typical 12-month stuff, but seeing her personality and thinking skills develop is so entertaining.  She isn't walking yet, but can crawl pretty fast when she wants to.  She loves to play chase games with us, as well as peek-a-boo.  And this girls loves to wrestle!  She is fearless and can handle everything her big sister dishes out and then some.  Another lesson I learned is that babies aren't really as fragile and delicate as we think they are. Sasha is also a world class eater.  I swear she is eating more than Morgan and screams at us when she wants more (she has realized that is much more effective than the sign language I keep trying to teach her).  She is starting to jabber more and more and I can't wait to hear her little voice develop in the next year.  She says "hi," "Dad," "nigh nigh," and today started saying "owie" over and over.  So cute!

"I enjoy spreading plastic dishes all over the house."

"I like to carry things around in my mouth like a dog."

"This is my favorite Christmas gift!"

"My big sister is the coolest! She is teaching me so much!"

"I'm getting good at putting on hats."

"PEEK-A-BOO!"

I remember when Morgan turned one and I remember feeling like I deserved an award or at least a party for me for surviving motherhood for a whole year.  And Morgan was a very very easy baby!  Now that Sasha has turned one, it still feels like a big deal, but I feel more proud than anything.  And not proud of myself (ok, well a little), but so proud of her and all that she has become and will become.  It is so fun watching a completely different kid grow up, after only knowing parenthood through Morgan.  And now we have this amazing dynamic of the two girls together.  Morgan is lucky to have such a sweet little sister to play with and help, and Sasha is very lucky to have Morgan as her role model and playmate!