37's Last Day

Beautiful Positano, Italy - 2004

Beginning my 30s - Florence, Italy

Today is the last day I will be 37 years old.  I'm trying to reflect on exactly how that feels.  After a week of caring for two pretty sick kids, lots of cold rainy weather, and not enough sleep, I kind of feel like taking a day off.  Can I take a personal day?  Of course I can't really, especially when I have a crummy-feeling two year old who threw some major tantrums at Target today.  But now that she is home napping, I am watching one of my all-time favorite movies: Under the Tuscan Sun.  It's one of those movies that always seems to lift my spirits, probably because it both reminds me of places I have traveled, and I watched it a lot when I lived in Prague and was suffering from homesickness, culture shock, or the effects of a late night out with friends.  :)

Yet what I find myself really thinking a lot about today is what is going on in the world.  Three days ago, bombs destroyed people's lives and dreams at the Boston Marathon.  It's horrific no matter how far you are from Boston, but for the first time I feel connected to the marathon because of my new interest in running.  I consider myself a runner now, and it's so unbelievably ridiculous that this violence could happen at an event that celebrates the health of the human body and spirit.

And just last night I learned of an enormous factory explosion in the tiny town of West, Texas.  I have a connection to that tragedy as well.  I happened to visit West last June with my best friend, Naomi.  It's cute little town along the railroad tracks.  It was quiet, and as we walked around it was apparent the locals could tell we were not from there.  We enjoyed coffee and Czech kolaches in a simple little bakery, full of kind, hard-working people.  That day, I imagined what it would be like to grow up in a town like that.  Now I can only imagine what it would be like to be from this town and lose everything around you.  The boy behind me in that photo had a lemonade stand.  I wonder what he is feeling today, and if that building is even still standing. 

 

So today, as I spend one more day being 37, I'm very thankful for the peace and health and tranquility in my little life.  I'm not feeling too guilty about doing nothing right now other than reminisce about Positano and Tuscany and counting my many blessings.  Thirty-seven doesn't feel all that special.  But then again, I'm not sure how I'm supposed to feel at this age.  And I suspect that as the years keep rolling by (assuming I am lucky enough to see many many more), I won't really know what I'm 'supposed' to do or feel.   All I do feel lately is that I don't have a 'plan' like I have had for the past twenty some years (i.e., college, travel, career, marriage, house, kids...).  If I've learned anything this year, it's that it's time for me to stop planning out exactly how my life is going to go, and just GO.  To let go.  To go forward.  To just experience everything that has brought me to this point, to use happiness as my guide, and to simply enjoy the ride.